When you wish not to make a wish but still wish because it is a wish!

As most girls do, I wanted to marry someone like my dad. When I met my husband for the first time, he said his uniform meant everything to him. Knowing my dad, a soldier turned police officer, I understood exactly what he meant. I replied, 'I know.' I always admired my dad's well-ironed khaki uniform and spotless shoes. Whether 2 a.m. or 12 p.m., he was always ready. I hated when his phone rang on festivals and holidays; I knew he'd leave immediately. My dad was a family man who loved us, but he valued his uniform. I admired his courage and was a fan of his stories. Meanwhile, my mom spent hours in temples and prayer rooms, praying for Dad's health and long life. Her favorite offering to God for him was Mrithyunjayarchana and Dehamutt. She believed her prayers protected him, even during challenging situations like protests, raids, lathi charges or stone pelting. Dad never disagreed, though he never explicitly agreed. When I said 'I know,' to Sanjeev I really knew. God blessed me with a husband like Dad – passionate and sincere towards his uniform. On our first Onam, I traveled from Kerala to Jodhpur to have our first onasadya together with my husband, but he was busy on some sports ground. On my first Vishu, I prepared a proper vishu sadya with over 10 side dishes, but my soldier husband had to leave for a suicide spot. By our second anniversary, I learned that 'red' no longer stands for love, it meant he'd wear his BP jacket and be away for two days. During my pregnancy I was sleepless more because of his "rounds" aka night patrols than pregnancy hormones. My baby listened to his Motorola's creaky whispering than the lullabies when she was inside me. Years passed by.. The reasons varied, but the words we exchange remained the same... :He says 'Sorry,' sometimes firm, sometimes sad or disappointed, or empathetic. And I reply, 'I understand,' in various tones – proud, empathetic, sarcastic, or sad. I know and I hope you know you are my favorite blue, with all its nuances.